Falling for Love

Even though the morning began like any other, today felt different. Everyone was gathering in the expansive courtyard in the center of the city for our morning devotional. The morning lecture was my favorite because it always inspired me and would set the tone for my entire day. The beauty of this location was different for each of us and would change now and again, creating a different environment from earth. No one else seemed to feel the excitement that I did when there was a change. I always wondered why it changed and why it was different for each angel. When I asked our teachers, they would smile politely, give a gentle nod and walk away without a reply. I stopped asking after the disappointment of the reply I received the last time I asked my advisor. He took a deep breath and gave a brief pause before he answered.

“You are a bit too curious for your own good, Naveena,” he had said. 

Entering the courtyard today, the environment had changed for me. I walked onto a white sandy beach with a turquoise ocean at the head of the courtyard. The warm sand was fine as sugar. It pushed between my toes as I walked forward and took my place waiting for the lecture. I watched as the other angels spoke with one another and wondered if they knew how special this place was; wondered if they appreciated it as they should. Afterall, in a short time, we would not be able to return to this place. Our education would be complete, and we would take our place in the hierarchy, in our stations to watch over our humans. I stood in contemplation when the bells began to toll. Within three chimes, the hundreds of Angels that had gathered were in formation, facing the exquisite turquoise ocean. All faces forward and eyes closed, waiting for our morning speaker.

Standing in line, I waited and listened with anticipation trying to figure out who was making their way to the lectern. The soft, gentle cadence of footsteps came from behind me, and excitement gripped me, it was his walk. As he passed me, the gentle swish of his wings sent his scent wafting in the air, confirming my assumption. The sweet fragrance of citrus wrapped in a layer of allspice filled the air and I felt my heart skip a beat. A modest smile formed on my lips, and I inhaled deeply, trying to take in his scent and at the same time suppress the excitement I was feeling. Of all the Seraphim, Samuel was my favorite. He inspired me more than any of the others. His words were carefully constructed and always led us to a new understanding of humans. The other Seraphim taught us the same information, but Samuel’s talks walked an edge, alluding to something more, as if he was trying to warn us at times. I found him intriguing and longed to listen to him for all eternity.

Samuel began to speak. The melodic tone of his voice, the cadence of his words and the inspiration he crafted were all encompassing. I was usually wrapped up in his speeches and everything else would fade away. But today was different.  A warm breeze blew, loosening a few strands of my hair. The gentle wind pushed and pulled them across my face, and I almost giggled as it tickled my skin. Realizing I had been distracted, I gently shook my head and turned my focus back to Samuel. I tried harder to focus, but as he spoke, my attention wandered. Instead of listening to his inspirational words, I could not stop thinking about what he may look like. It was an odd thought, and my face crinkled with confusion. I gently shook my head again to concentrate, trying to focus on his voice but I was quickly pulled back to visions of his physical appearance. 

The thoughts enveloped me, and any hope of concentration was lost. I felt a need to gaze upon him, but that is forbidden. I am a lower Power. I cannot look upon a Seraphim and yet, his voice was soothing and comforting. When he spoke, it made me feel special just because I was in his presence, special because I was allowed the honor of hearing him speak. Then the words from our lessons boomed in my head.

“Eyes front and closed,” they would tell us every day. 

But his voice… it transcended me. I had to turn away, or I would open my eyes and look at him. I turned my head and closed my eyes tighter, listening, focusing on Samuel’s words. After a few moments his voice began to fade away. I tried to listen harder, but I was distracted again, this time, by the sweetest sound I had ever heard, a child’s laughter.

Her laughter filled the air, enveloped me in it’s joy. I listened with curiosity and focused on the child. She pulled me to her with the genuine happiness of her giggle, the sound of pure innocence. I couldn’t be obedient any longer and I opened my eyes. A flash of panic, of dread, gripped my body for breaking the rules, but what I saw made that feeling evaporate in an instant. I didn’t see the other angels, or even Samuel, I saw a family on an empty beach; a mother, father and two children. 

The children were splashing water at one another, doing belly flops, and chasing tiny fish through the crystal-clear water. Their parents stood close by, keeping protective watch, yet absorbing the joy the children were giving them. They were delighted and content just being able to watch their children have so much fun. I smiled at the bliss I suddenly felt, and tears brimmed my eyes. The love the family felt was overwhelming. One child turned to her parents and smiled wider than the sea. The mother stooped down and opened her arms, as the little girl went running into her embrace. My heartbeat began to quicken, and my breaths came quicker watching her run to her mother. Then she said it. That was when it all started. 

“I love you, Mommy,” said the little girl. 

My whole body ached with the elation of the love they shared, the pure contentment the mother felt. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Tears streamed from my eyes, my closed eyes. Confusion peeked in and then faded as I remembered I was not physically with the family. I didn’t care any longer if I was being disobedient. I smiled wider and felt the euphoria they were creating. I could feel my heart filling with love, rejecting the obedience that lived there. Angels’ hearts are created differently from humans. We know what love is, we understand it and how it affects humans, but God doesn’t give angels the ability to love; obedience, empathy, strength, but not love. Yet now, I could feel it taking hold of my heart, lining it. I began to struggle with this thought, felt the obedience taking hold again and the family began to disappear. 

I stood alone on the sandy shore struggling with what was happening. I lifted my face to the sun. It was warm and inviting and wrapped itself around me like an all-encompassing embrace. I was consumed by it, just as Samuel’s voice had once held me, so did the sun. After what I had just experienced, everything felt different. I focused on my surroundings, the scent of the briny sea air, and the warm breeze blowing sand across my body. My skin tingled with the sensation and was seized by gooseflesh. Then the sounds of my environment saturated my ears with a blissful tune. The ocean waves breaking on the shore was a beautiful song, and the seagulls squawking were the lyrics. I couldn’t stop my tears now and I didn’t want to. It felt good to experience this rapture.

A new thought entered my head. If the other angels knew what I had just experienced, they would be envious. In an instant I was back in the courtyard, eyes closed with Samuel’s voice humming in my ears. I couldn’t understand the words because of the panic I felt. Panic for the sin I had committed, emotions that were forbidden for angels and humans. I was proud. Proud to be the only one who experienced this moment in time with the family, with my family and I wanted them to be envious. I now wanted to feel more.

As I tried to listen to Samuel’s voice, to his inspirational words that would pull me in and ground me. I was overwhelmed with that nagging need to look at him again. I didn’t dare open my eyes. I had already broken the rules. Fear took hold as I thought of the punishment, I was going to face for the love I was feeling, I didn’t dare break another vital rule and look upon him. I stood fast and listened, but a thunderous silence filled the air. There were no words being spoken and then, it happened, I felt his touch. My eyes shot open, and I was face to face with Samuel. I took in a sharp breath as he gently pushed the loose strands of hair behind my ear, then softly wiped the tears from my cheek. A warm tingle washed over my body, a new feeling, desire. Samuel was more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. His wings surrounded us, shrouded us from the others. They were exquisite, the purest of white and the sun trying to filter through them made them glow with a golden aura. He turned his head slightly and looked at me with confusion. 

“Why do you cry?” he asked.

I wanted to answer him, but I couldn’t. My mouth opened but no words would come out. He wiped the tears from my other cheek and rubbed them between his fingers. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath then held his damp fingers to his brow. I watched him as his face showed all the emotions he experienced, all the emotions I had experienced. Then I saw it in him as well, a spark in his heart. A spark of what love feels like. The spark that brings humanity to the world. A smile slowly grew on his beautiful face and that was my end. He opened his eyes and smiled at me. It was the spark of my undoing. It was the spark of our undoing. Today was different. It was the beginning of our fall.