A Flower in Solitude

It was a bright day. The sun shone brightly overhead, dispelling the last vestiges of a weak winter. But even a weak winter was bone-chillingly numb around here. Thankfully, it had not snowed in the last season. Snow froze quickly in the cold weather of the city, making it difficult to traverse. Even walking became a chore after snow.

It was a bright day. The sun shone brightly, the sharp light reflecting off the tall white towers constituting the outer ring of the royal palace. Located slightly uphill from the rest of the city, the buildings shone imposingly over everything else. There was not a single place in the city from where one could not see the four beautiful white towers.

The city was bustling like never seen during the winter. People came out to enjoy the warm sunshine before it became stiflingly hot. Weather was always extreme here, and the people took every opportunity nature granted them to enjoy a bit of respite.

Shopkeepers opened their shops eagerly for once, anticipating a good day for business after a long winter. They hawked their wares with a newfound energy, calling out to everyone they came across. People were in a good mood. Terse exchanges became good-humored. People spent a bit more than usual, and sellers asked for slightly less than common.

The good mood had traveled to the palace as well. The guards standing at the front doors jested with each other and passersby. Even the ever-serious captain had a difficult time chastising anybody. The women around the castle appeared more amenable to flirting. Remarks that would go unnoticed or even get a sharp rebuke now received a small smile or a retort. Secluded spots became hard to find even in the behemoth palace.

Yet one person did not share the exuberance infecting the castle. Queen Gele looked down from the tower she occupied for the last month at the people laughing on the ground. Documents lay before her untouched for some time as she gazed out the window. The lush, beautifully decorated room was occupied by her retainers, who shifted endlessly in their seats or where they stood, eager for a chance to get outside and enjoy the weather, preferably with someone they adored.

Her gaze shifted from the window to the people occupying the room. Restlessness ceased immediately, and silence descended upon the room. Everyone knew the reason for her displeasure, and no one wished to make it even worse by talking to her.

Her eyes lingered on the faces around her, noticing the discomfort and the desire they desperately tried to hide. It only put her in a fouler mood. But she had a duty to these people, even if she had to forcibly remind herself of it.

A sigh escaped her lips as she turned towards the window and spoke.

“You may go and enjoy the weather.”

A soft murmur ran through the small retinue of the individuals gathered in the room. They all looked at each other, guilt etched deeply into their faces. This was precisely the thing they wished to not bring up. The people gathered stole furtive glances at each other, but no one dared to speak lest she withdrew the kindness.

The woman sitting near the window waited a few minutes, but with no one moving, she spoke once more, this time in an authoritative tone.

“It is not like I am getting any work done. You might as well enjoy this fine weather while it lasts.”

The exodus was slow at first. But it takes only one to break the dam. Soon, nearly everyone exited the room, chatting excitedly about what to do with the unexpected free time.

The only ones left in the room were Queen Gele and her maid.

The queen, the watcher of the realms and the guardian of the people, leaned back into her high-backed chair, the pen dropping from her slim white fingers. She closed her emerald eyes, her small, thin lips pursing in frustration. The white dress she wore on her pale white skin gave her an ethereal look as if a ghost rested in the brilliant rays coming from the sun shining through the window.

“Esmeralda!” The queen spoke to the only remaining occupant of the room beside her. The woman looked old, easily old enough to be the young queen’s mother. “Why did you not go?” The queen inquired.

The woman, the oldest servant of the queen, bowed slightly as she answered, “Surely, you jest, my lady. Who would I spend this lovely day with?”

The Queen’s eyebrows twitched. The flower of the Kingdom, termed so for her fragile-looking beauty, could feel a headache coming. It was never easy for her to deal with Esmeralda. She had raised her from infancy. Yet she would not give in.

“You do not have to spend it with anybody. You can just enjoy the weather.”

“If it is all the same to you, My Lady, I would rather stay here.” The old woman replied.

The Queen sighed. “You raised me, Esmeralda, and crossed an ocean with me when I came here to be wed. Your duty is done. You can enjoy yourself now.”

The maid gave a small smile. Esmeralda was never one to smile openly. “How can I enjoy myself, my lady, when you look so terribly lonely?

The queen’s face twitched in a most unladylike fashion. Esmeralda had a way of breaking through the façade she put up for the world.

She could feel a darkness coming onto her heart. She looked out the window to distract herself, and her eyes fell on a young couple. The woman’s red hair reminded her of her own; the man’s striking white hair resembled those of the King.

The couple was sitting under a large tree. The tree hid them from the rest of the garden but left them open to her prying eyes. The man had the soldier’s uniform on, while the girl was wearing a fine-looking dress. The way they snuggled together left no doubt as to how they felt about each other. The queen’s eyebrow twitched. The audacity of these two to flaunt their scandalous love right in front of her.

Just then the girl looked up at something the guy pointed out. Her eyes narrowed. She recognized the girl. She was one of her ladies in waiting. The daughter of the largest duke in the kingdom, no less. Her father would not be pleased if he found out what she was up to.

Regardless, she could not begrudge the girl this happiness she had found. After all, the tree held a special place in her heart. Under the pleasant breeze that started blowing, even the queen found herself remembering things that happened long ago.

It was a few weeks after she had arrived in this nation. Under the peace treaty, signed between her nation and this kingdom, she was set to marry the newly crowned king. A small retinue of dignitaries had come with her, but by now they had all gone except for Esmeralda, who would stay with her in this unfamiliar kingdom.

It had been a few weeks, and yet she had not met the King once. She had paid her respects to the king once she had arrived with her people, but they never had any opportunity to speak together. In this gigantic castle, surrounded by people, she felt alone, and abandoned by her people. She was a sacrifice meant to appease the bloodthirsty war gods, and it looked like they had decided her punishment. The tiny hope she had of forming an understanding marriage had been dashed by now. After all, the King had not even looked at her since she arrived. He probably had a dozen lovers, all more beautiful than her and all more capable of pleasing the King.

Thoughts like that hurt her deeply, even though she did not know her future husband. Yet, like every other princess, she had dreamt of meeting a charming prince one day. Of being whisked away on a shining white horse, to live together forever in happiness and joy.

That dream shattered when her father informed her she would be wed to bring her home country and the Kingdom of Siloven together. It was a political marriage, meant to strengthen the bonds between the two nations. Bonds that would be built on her broken dream. But she did not begrudge her father nor her mother’s continuous demands to keep the honor of her country. She was a princess, and this was her duty. To become a relic in some man’s castle for the sake of her country.

However, it would be a lie to say she did not hope in the tiniest portion of her heart that she could still find happiness. It was not much she desired. Just to have an affectionate husband and a place in the court that she would rule. Yet, even that tiny portion had gotten crushed in the last month.

Would it take so much for the King to ask after her even once?

Princess Gele, soon-to-be queen, stomped her foot in frustration, the grass mangling under her soft-looking slippers. She had even begun to forget the fleeting glimpse she had gotten of the king.

Was this to be her life? Catching a small glimpse of the man she was married to and spending it alone in the vast chamber in the Queen’s palace. It was a decidedly sad life.

Forgotten by her kingdom and her soon-to-be husband, she would often venture into the palace, roaming from building to building, hoping to familiarize herself with the place. The guards either did not dare to stop her or did not care enough to stop her. But the place was gigantic, thronged with dozens of passageways, draped in lush carpets, the likes of which even her father could not afford. Each hall was bedecked in tapestries. The halls had windows from the floors to the ceilings, the drapes pulled back during the day to let the pleasant sunshine through. Often the rays would fall on the tapestries holding the tales of kings long gone, shining upon them as if they held the center stage. And there she was, oft alone in these enormous halls, watching the dance of sunshine and ghosts of the past.

It was on one of such walks, after she had arrived in the kingdom, that she came across the tree for the first time.

It was a chilly autumn evening. The wind blew softly, rustling the leaves crunching under her heels. The tree branches swayed softly as if singing a melancholic melody. The tree leaves had long turned crimson under the weak sun. The weather gradually loosened their holds over the branches, making them flutter and fall in the evening breeze. Queen Gele found herself walking in the gardens with the winds and the fallen leaves for company.

And one other person.

He stood in front of the tree, his silver, shoulder-length hair blowing softly in the wind, just like the fallen leaves. The white gown he wore, exquisitely embroidered in gold, belied his noble heritage. He appeared mesmerized by the swaying branches, perhaps deep in thought on some matter that concerned him solely. It appeared unlikely his attention would be diverted by something, even if it was a beautiful woman slowly walking up to him. His ears were deaf to the crunching leaves under the Gele’s heels. It was as if none existed in his world beyond him.

What fascinated the man, Gele thought, her attention now focused solely on the man in front of her, her troubles forgotten instead of the interesting specimen she had found. It was the first time in days that something had managed to divert her attention from her continuous troubles that seemed set on defining the rest of her life. She found herself enchanted by the person in front of her. There was an aura around him of quietness, strength, and authority that she could not break. Even without seeing his face, Gele found herself attracted to this man, curious of his thoughts and his single-minded focus on the subject that broke him from the real world.

And thus it was that Gele and the man spent hours together, not speaking a singular word, the man focused in front, on the tree or some other matter, while she whiled away the time observing the man; each twitch of his shoulder and the disturbness of his silken hair brought new unknown fascinations to her mind. Who was this man? What was he doing here? Was he one of the viziers? His thoughts perhaps focused on improving the country. Or was he a lovesick man, whiling away his time in the thoughts of love that he could not attain? Such were the questions Gele found herself asking. Hours passed. The sun that was hanging low on the horizon nearly hid itself beyond the palace walls. At that moment, the queen reluctantly tore herself away from her newfound hobby. It would be improper of a woman of her stature to be found in the company of a strange man at this hour.

This first meeting was special for her. It was the only moment in her long stay at this new empire when she felt a shred of companionship. Why was that? When they had not spoken a single word when she could not even be sure that the man had noticed her, was beyond her. Perhaps she had become that starved for a human connection, or maybe, just maybe, this is what they called a destined meeting.

The next day, she went back to the gardens, hoping to find the strange, mysterious individual once more, yet she was disappointed. He was nowhere to be found. She was alone in the garden once more. None would come out to the melancholic garden where the sun rarely shone brightly. Every day she visited the garden, hoping to meet the man once more. Well, the meeting might perhaps be a strong term. She would have been happy to clasp her eyes on the man once more. The emperor had gone away on a visit once again, dashing her hopes of meeting her betrothed again. As such, this strange and mysterious man had become her only hope of companionship in this strange, unfriendly land.

It was not until a week later that she found herself in the company of the mysterious stranger once more. She was feeling particularly dejected that day. The emperor had returned and yet had given no summons for her. Nearly a month had passed since her arrival in this empire and three weeks since she last chatted with a familiar individual. The man who was supposed to take care of her had more pressing issues than to fulfill his duty. It had become all but certain to her that this would be her life onwards, surrounded by servants yet no one to talk to, except her maid.

So, it was a pleasant surprise when she found herself in the company of that strange man once more. His position and his demeanor had not changed since their first meeting, so much so that for a moment she thought he was a statue, ever present in front of the tree that she had somehow missed for the last week. She stood there, a few paces behind the man, observing him and the tree together. She had not noticed how mesmerizing he looked under the falling leaves. These discarded leaves found no traction on the silky-smooth gown, effortlessly sliding down to the ground.

Hours passed on end, and it was near the end of the time together when something happened that she could not believe. Just as she was thinking of returning, hoping that the strange man would not disappear once more, he approached her. She was startled by the sudden movement, her eyes darting towards the stranger’s face, slightly familiar in the evening dusk. It was as elegant as she thought. The blue eyes contrasted sharply with his slightly tanned skin, drawing the onlooker towards them. The fact that the man was slightly tanned, even in this cold weather with barely any sun, showed he spent a lot of time outside. His silver hair cascaded haphazardly onto his cheeks, adding a touch of roguishness to his class and elegance, enough to complement it but not override it.

The man closed the distance between the two with a few long strides. Before she could open her mouth and ask what was going on, even if she was capable of such an act in the strange situation, she had found herself in, she found herself staring at a flower. She looked at the flower and the man’s face, her mind unable to comprehend the situation she had found herself in. At some level, she had convinced herself that the man was a statue, incapable of any movement.

In that strange trance that she found herself in, Gele saw her hand move and accept the flower. A slight smile formed on the man’s face, his lips moving slightly upwards as if to show his gratitude for accepting this gesture.

In a daze, she returned to her palace. It was not until the morning came that she could fully reflect on what had happened. The lack of human interactions outside of her maid had thrown off her reactions. A part of her was happy to receive that beautiful flower. It still adorned her bedside, in a small glass with water in it. It probably would not live for long, but she was, nonetheless, happy to receive such an intimate gift.

Another part, the much larger, conscious part, wondered what the man meant by giving her the flower. The language of the flowers was not lost on her. Flowers have always had a special meaning, and the meaning often varied from kingdom to kingdom. But what would remain consistent throughout the land was that more often than not, these meanings were intimate, something not shared between a stranger and one betrothed.

Such reflections tore at her heart. Was the flower an invitation to be more than what they were currently? Granted, that was not much. She would find it difficult to call each other acquaintances, knowing how they had not even exchanged a single word so far. Yet, there was an undeniable sense of something between the two. Something she had longed for since childhood but something that she hesitated to name. It was not befitting of a lady to think such things of one not betrothed to her.

Yet, what future awaited her as she was currently? Her emperor had abandoned her before even looking at her. One month, and he did not even decide to give her a private audience. The only glimpse she had gotten of her future husband was one in passing when he had come to meet the delegation escorting her. Even then, he had not come to her.

What did that say about her and her role in this kingdom? Was she to hold the peace unilaterally between two kingdoms, with not an ounce of effort from the other individual? How long can she go on like this? Unappreciated, unlooked, and invisible?

But here was a hope for something brighter, something that could add a touch of excitement to her life. There was a chance for her dreams, long unfulfilled, to finally come to fruition. Was that really wrong? Must she hold herself to a standard that no one else was willing to follow?

And it was not like she was doing anything wrong. She reminded herself. Friendship and companionship can exist between opposing sexes. And that was all she was looking for, she told herself, since her future husband appeared loath to give such to her. There was nothing wrong with seeking such a relationship in a different place. They might be married, but that does not mean they have to be attached together and spend all their time together. Moreover, she reasoned, the emperor would be surrounded by women of the highest class; one cannot bat an eye at her having some male friends.

But was that all she was looking for? There was a part of her, a darker part, that whispered things she would never even bring forth to her consciousness, defending such actions by pointing out the negligence her future husband had treated her with. In the end, it was a matter of if someone knew, and she should not show more effort than the other party.

But was that what I really wanted? A marriage based on deception, rationalization, and tit-for-tat. Was that the kind of woman her parents had raised her to be, the one selected to bear the burden of peace? She was not just a young woman pining for love, Gele reminded herself. A country depended on her and thousands of lives she could endanger through her actions.

Such thoughts plagued her for the next few days when she could not meet the strange man. She once again hoped for the emperor to call for a private audience, yet the affairs appeared dead set to get in their ways once more. The emperor had gone away for another short visit. At the very least, the man was a dutiful emperor, and she could not begrudge him that.

Yet, it had left her in a dilemma. The emperor also owed a duty to her and yet showed no signs of fulfilling that. What would she take that to mean? Was she so undesirable that he would not even see her out of a sense of duty? Then was she correct in seeking comfort elsewhere? At least the mysterious stranger had shown some interest in her.

During those days, she never parted with the flower. It went wherever she went, albeit discreetly. She did not wish to arouse suspicion, yet it provided her with comfort in a strange land. It was a symbol of companionship in a strange land.

By the time their next meeting came, she had made up her mind. It was no easy task. Gele had spent countless hours staring at the ceiling lying in her bed. But in the end, she decided what was best. At least that is what she believed. Only time would tell if she would come to regret what she was about to do.

She found the strange man in the same spot where he usually was. It made her wonder whether he chose the pose so that she could find him or if that was just how he stood in front of the tree. His thoughts had remained a stranger to him. Gele half expected him to turn and welcome her. After all, they had made some progress in their last meeting. Surely, they could speak to each other now. Yet, her steps were halting and slow as she made her way over there. She dreaded this meeting. The flower given during the last meeting was clutched in her hand. It served both for consolation and for stealing her resolve for what she was about to do.

This was a foreign land, and she had a duty. The duty must always come first. That is who she was, and that is who she was determined to remain, even if it meant crushing all her dreams forever.

She held out the flower towards the man, who had not turned to look at her to this moment.

“I cannot accept this.”

There was no response. Gele faltered, questioning if she was doing the right thing. The lack of response made it difficult to gauge what the man felt. If he had shown something, anger perhaps, or even disappointment, she could have rationalized her action. The lack of emotions left her on the same rocky boat of indecisiveness she was on before.

Yet, she decided to plunge ahead.

“I do not know your intentions.” Even to her, those words felt cold, yet it was necessary to speak them as such. “I am grateful that you gave me some company during the time I was lonely, but I cannot accept this.”

Gele took a deep breath and held out the flower once more. “I have a purpose here, and I cannot accept strange gifts from people I do not know.”

Time passed. She wondered if the man had even heard her. Nonetheless, now that the words had left her lips, she found that she could not stop. It was as if a dam broke within her, and just as the water cascading from a broken dam leaves behind emptiness, so did she feel relieved and light.

“The last few meetings, they were a dream. If I were free, I would have liked to see where we could go from here. But I am promised to someone else, even if he thinks naught. Yet my first duty lies with him, regardless of whether he knows whether I exist.

That is when she first heard his voice. It was smooth, albeit powerful. A voice worthy of a king.

“You believe the Emperor has abandoned you?”

The reply caught her off guard. She had never mentioned she was betrothed to the Emperor. The confusion was followed by anger. The man knew who she was and yet gave her the flower, and led her on. He had no right to do that.

“It does not matter whether he did. I have chosen to stand beside him.”

“Yet,” The man turned towards her. For once, she could see emotions flickering behind his pale blue eyes. Again she was reminded that she had seen that face somewhere. There was anguish and pain behind those eyes. “I have hurt you. That was not my intention.”

I have hurt you. Those words resonated in her mind. It could not be. The mysterious man was her betrothed. The anger she was building up to justify her actions melted away in an instant, replaced by bewilderment.

The man, Emperor Eaz, now she knew why his face had appeared familiar in the dim evening light. She had seen him from afar during the reception of the delegation. Of course, now he was not bedecked in the royal garments and his face was unobstructed by the crown and the jewels, making it difficult to recognize the Emperor, even if she had met him properly at that time.

He bowed his head, as if ashamed, and continued, “I did not wish for us to meet in the ritual for the first time. That is why I did not greet you at the time when I met your delegations. I now realize that a mistake my ministers have made has made that abundantly clear to me. It was an insult to you and your kingdom. For that, I deeply apologize.

Gele found herself at a crossroads. The correct thing to do would have been to accept the apology graciously and chalk everything up to a misunderstanding. But was that the right thing to do? She thought. Should ceremony and fake niceties be the start of their relationship? Or should it be the truth?

She was feeling bold already from her confession.

“What hurt deeper was not the ignorance,” she replied. “But what that ignorance meant.” If they were to be married, they must be married properly, through understanding. If that meant being vulnerable in front of a stranger, so be it. “I came here travelling thousands of miles. I am not particularly adept in politics, nor do I understand the games that politicians play, but I understood that our marriage is political. That both our nations stood to gain from that. I understood that, but I have my own dreams as well. I did not wish to be just a political pawn. I also had a dream of a good marriage, one where I would be respected. Through that ignorance, you crushed those dreams.”

Emperor Eaz looked up and gave her a tight smile. “I see. That was not my intention either, but I cannot say I am not happy to hear that either. I also wished for something a bit more than a political marriage. That is why I wished to save our first meeting for a special occasion. Unfortunately, the affairs of the kingdom got in the way; I had to travel before I could get to know you. But that is no excuse. I called you here, away from your home. I should have done. I apologize.”

“Promise that you will not do so again, and I will forgive you.”

“I swear,” he took his hand in hers. “I should ask you personally as well. Will you do me the honor of being my wife? To rule this kingdom alongside my side?

“Yes.”

That was the first meeting between Queen Gele and Emperor Eaz. She absentmindedly fingered the flower she still wore to this day in her hair, watching the tree sway back and forth in the darkening evening. In the end, she received more than she wished for. They have been married for nearly a decade now, and the longest they have been away from each other was a few weeks. She ruled in the Emperor’s name when he had to go on a visit, but on longer trips, she accompanied the Emperor as well. She had learned enough in her time to give advice to the Emperor, and he always listened to her but was never afraid to point out any mistakes she made either. Their marriage was one based on truth and respect, just as she had hoped and dreamed in those young days.

And now that their small family was finally ready to grow, she never missed him as terribly as she did now.

But that misery was short-lived as well, just like any other obstacle in the marriage. A loud trumpet rang through the palace.

Hearing that trumpet brought a smile to Queen Gele’s face for the first time in days.

“Esmeralda!” she cried out. She needed to be ready to receive her Emperor.