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Fund Day

Rating: G

Every week, without fail, the fund committee would meet to review all funds in their various accounts. The fund managers were present. It was a momentous occasion. There was a rumor already that the company had made a substantial profit.

"Let's start by listing all funds. The small caps, the large caps, the kitty caps?" The president paused. "The kitty caps?"

Frank Jones, new fund manager, and all around nice guy, sat staring into space.

"Frank? I believe this is your fund," the president said.

Frank sat still for a little while and finally acknowledged the president.

"The Kitty Kat Fund is a fund made up of all companies that make things for cats."

There was a slight pause.

"How much money has been invested by cat-lovers into your fund?"

"Five billion dollars."

"Five billion dollars? That's an impressive amount. How much profit has it made?"

"One hundred two dollars and fifteen cents."

"One hundred two dollars and fifteen cents profit? On five billion dollars?"

"The value of the fund is one hundred two dollars and fifteen cents. I don't know how much profit it's made."

Frank stopped talking and stared off into space.

From the second floor window, the president could hear noises. He looked out and saw many angry people - some with guns.

"Frank! What have you done?"

Frank didn't say a word but stared and stared and stared.

"Frank? Frank?"

There was no response.

"Where's the fund's dossier?"

Frank didn't have anything in front of him. The president motioned the secretary to run and get the dossier from Frank's office. She ran out and immediately came back with a folder that had a little cardboard cat tail hanging off its lower edge. The top edge had cardboard cat ears. The president opened the folder and began to read the list of companies that made up the fund.

"Kitty Kat Meow." The rest of the page was blank. "The following fine products are made by Kitty Kat Meow under the wise, benevolent guidance of founder and CEO Frank Jones: Great Smelling Kitty Kat Meow Litter, Kitty Kat Meow Chow for Growing Kitty Kats, Kitty Kat Meow Dog and Cat Collars, Kitty Kat Meow Moth Balls?"

The president dropped the dossier.

Frank sat very still. His lips were pursed and he was blowing air through them every so often. The president walked over to where he was sitting and got down to his level.


Frank continued to stare into space.

"Moth balls, Frank?"

Frank let some more air out of his pursed lips. He didn't care what was going on in the world of high finance. He was a kitty kat.


The End