Cycle of Life

Her name was Selena and she grew up in an old two-story house that felt very cold even in summer. There were six kids of which she was the oldest, meaning she had to be a second mother because their mother was busy with men in that little room under the stairs, or watching soap operas. In winter, their dad who was a drunk that drank up most of the food would tell Selena to make sure the heat vent upstairs was blocked off with a blanket or something so the downstairs where he was would stay warm.

At twelve, Selena was most of the time afraid of the belt or the slap, not for herself so much but for the younger ones too young to run or fight back, so she covered the only vent that could keep them warm upstairs, then put sweaters, jackets, and even pillowcases around them to keep them warmer.

They mostly had colds, and mustard sandwiches on stale white bread, plus diluted fruit drink not juice. She found an old Bible and cried out to God and for a while she thought He helped her but not every time, so she thought she'd need to do better for Him to help each and every time, but not every prayer was answered. She believed praying loud and earnest with her arms raised and her face tilted toward the ceiling or sky would help.

But it didn't seem to help her when she ended up in the hands of a neighbor who had his way. She cried then and prayed for forgiveness, then told her mother and father but they didn't believe her because the neighbor was a policeman and policeman didn't do things like that.

Selena grew up getting more religious, and married a religious man named Doug who was of the quieter sort and wondered why she had to be loud with God as if that were the only way to get His attention. She would walk their wraparound porch with praising arms lifted to heaven, shouting and crying her prayers. 

She wasn't the only one. There was what they call a holy roller church down the road that she went to, and she pulled Doug along with her but it wasn't for him because he was more of the quiet type and did his praying in silence or when driving in the car or lying down to bed to go to sleep wherever his head went to the pillow. 

Doug was a traveling salesman who wasn't home a lot, so it was left to Selena to take care of their four kids, two boys and two girls. Though Doug was a believer, he left the rearing to Selena, and while he was on the road traveling and selling, she would lock their four kids in a small room under their stairs and make them pray for forgiveness for the wrong things they'd done that day. She made them read the Bible out loud one at a time so they would get saved and not go to hell, even though Doug thought that given they were under twelve, they'd go to heaven if they died before then.

Doug worked away so much, and the kids were too scared of Selena to say they didn't like all the religious fervor she made them do, but even if they weren't scared, they thought it was normal and that other kids must have to be religious too.

When the kids got older, the two girls left home, one marrying a mean man who liked to hit women, and the other took to the streets to earn a living. The two boys stayed behind at home. One holed up in his room all day and night reading or watching TV, and the other one smoked pot and  shot up with a neighbor. When the two girls came back to rant at her and tell her she had too many cats and the phone bill was too high, the sons went silent until the tirades were over. Once the daughters left, the sons came back out of hiding, but Selena would make them go right back into their rooms to pray, and they were now in their mid-twenties.

In their mid-thirties, the two sons were still at home. The one who used substances now used video games all day and night, and the other son ate too much food and had severe health problems. Neither had girlfriends and Selena wondered why, and ended up praying about it and for all of her kids and husband.

They lived in a bad neighborhood with lots of fighting amongst the neighbors. Selena would stand out on her wraparound porch and pray loudly for the power of God to come down and show them the error of their ways. She prayed for protection over her family, and she went to church by herself because the boys were too big to make anymore.

Then one day the sick son died, and Doug blamed Selena, but she said no, it was just his time, that God must have some reason to take him to heaven. The son who used substances said nothing but lay on the couch looking at the television but not watching. He didn't want to incur her wrath or add to the manic state she could get in once she got going about all their problems.

"Selena," Doug said taking her arms. "Just calm down."

"No!" she railed at him. "Pray! Just pray!"

The End