Just leave

Couple summers back I was in a place where thought I was fine. I moved into an area where I was close to friends. I’ve always wanted to live close with friends; where I could just shoot them a text and tell them come outside.

I met this guy through my friend’s brother that he was close with; didn’t really like him at the start but over time he kept trying and trying and trying and I liked his effort, so I said you know what; why not. I went in for the punch and I started talking to him.

Couple months goes by, and I guess were doing okay; we were hanging in there. He was doing drugs, smoking cigarettes, vaping, drinking, selling drugs, had guns, getting into fights, staying in hotels. I was also staying in hotels in the area. That’s pretty much how we met. 

I was not into drugs or anything I was a regularly ole 14-year-old girl just hanging with friends outside because I didn’t want to be inside. I was never the smoker type because it ran through my family, and I wanted to be different, so I decided to take a different path…into I didn’t.

Maybe like 2 months go by and I’m still talking to this guy named Jace. I started smoking blunts\woods… I even tried shrooms with my friend just because I was smoking for like a month now…pretty much every day I would go outside with my friends. 

We stopped talking and it broke me bad because we were all in all together for about 5 months. Half the end of my 8^th grade year going into the summer. We had many fights because I used to catch him texting another girl and had sex tapes in his hidden of her and he would just lie to me and say its nothing and lets move on; me being naive and really didn’t know how to leave; I was already too deep in I stayed another month or 2. Every time I would ask his friends if there was another girl they would just lie to me and say “nah” but what did I expect from his friends lol.

Of course, I believed them though.

I moved out the hotels that I was living in and out of for like 7 months now and I stayed 7 mins away in my brother’s new apartment; from the hotel he still stayed in, so I couldn’t see him as much which caused some problems because he wanted to see me every day! One day I popped up without him knowing with my other gay guy friend and we smoked with another friend of mine, but he was close to Jace, so he knew him. We were on the hotel stairs just smoking and talking; chilling. 

These were outside motels I should say.

Hours go by and a car pulled up with three girls and one boy who gets out. I knew two of the girls and one of the girls just looked sooo familiar.

Boom that’s when I noticed it was the girl I kept finding in his phone.

My heart dropped because I thought my eyes was playing with me. My heart was in my butt my emotions was so high because he just lied to me all these months and to see her here.

I was mad but more of broken because I thought it was real love. My friend kept asking me what’s wrong, but I just didn’t know if I wanted to fight her or just leave.

He came out and I watched him walk with her to the pool. I followed them a couple mins later and eventually met up with my other homegirl that was already at the pool. So, when I came, I walked into the gates, and I knew he seen me. But he did not come say anything to me. 

I sat there.

And I sat there.

Nothing.

Not an explanation or anything.

I was just sitting in anger and pain. I left a couple hours later and once I got home; I was sick with a fever laying on my air mattress, staying with my brother, sister, mom and his girlfriend. Not telling nobody what’s wrong with me because I didn’t want to hear or feel anything. 

That same day in the morning when I was at the hotel before everything happened I brought a huge sack of weed, but we didn’t smoke it all so once my friend left I put it in my moms’ dressers instead of throwing it away and acted like it was hers because smoking was never really my thing I just did it.

None of my family members knew I smoked.

That was the last day I seen Jace.

Days after days. Still no text. He didn’t care. He didn’t really love me like he made it out to be. I was just crushed even more at 14. It wasn’t anything new, I just never knew how to give up my pain. The middle of June. July and start of august I was just sad, sad, sad. Didn’t know what to do with life because nothing could make me feel better. Even going out with family I would still feel hopeless. I missed him so much, but I was crushed by seeing him with that girl in the pool just thinking it was okay. not caring.

That was just the beginning of my journey to salvation.