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Stephen Leacock

(1869 - 1944)

A Christmas Letter

A young lady has sent an invitation to a children's party, but her ideas are unhappily mistaken. At my mature age, I cannot participate in the sports of children with such abandon as I could wish,...

2 min read · Rating: G · Read story

A New Pathology

It has long been vaguely understood that a man's clothes have an effect on his health, but no attempt has yet been made to reduce this knowledge to a systematic form. To treat ailments caused by...

6 min read · Rating: G · Read story

An Experiment with Policeman Hogan

Mr. Scalper sits writing in the reporters' room of The Daily Eclipse and opens a letter of a correspondent. Mr. Scalper stops abruptly, dashes across the room to the cupboard, and returns to finish...

9 min read · Rating: G · Read story

Aristocratic Education

The House of Lords began considering Clause 52,000 of the Education Bill, dealing with the teaching of Geometry in the schools. The Leader of the Government urged the Lords to accept the clause as...

3 min read · Rating: G · Read story

Boarding-House Geometry

All boarding-houses are the same boarding-house, and all boarders in the same boarding-house and on the same flat are equal to one another. A wrangle is a disinclination of two boarders to each...

2 min read · Rating: G · Read story

Borrowing a Match

You might think that borrowing a match upon the street is a simple thing, but any man who has ever tried it will assure you that it is not, and will be prepared to swear to the truth of my...

3 min read · Rating: G · Read story

Helping the Armenians

The financial affairs of the parish church at Doogalville have been getting rather into a tangle in the last six months. To pay for a new pipe organ, they raised a mortgage on the parsonage, held a...

4 min read · Rating: G · Read story

How to Avoid Getting Married

When I was the Editor of a Correspondence Column, I used to receive heart-broken letters from young men asking for advice and sympathy. I accepted their confidences as under the pledge of a...

6 min read · Rating: G · Read story

How to Be a Doctor

The progress of science is wonderful, but what I want to speak about is the progress of medicine. A hundred years ago there were no bacilli, ptomaine poisoning, diphtheria, or appendicitis. Rabies...

7 min read · Rating: PG · Read story

How to Live to be 200

Jiggins used to take a cold plunge every morning, stand and breathe at an open window for half an hour before dressing, and do Sandow exercises. He spent half the night slinging himself around his...

6 min read · Rating: G · Read story

How to Make a Million Dollars

I mix a good deal with the Millionaires, I like their faces, their way of living, the things they eat, and their intellectual grasp. I love to walk up and down among them and catch the little...

7 min read · Rating: G · Read story

Insurance up to Date

A man called on me the other day with the idea of insuring my life. I made up my mind to outwit this man at his own game, and answered a sheet of questions as an applicant, hoping to settle all...

2 min read · Rating: G · Read story